Getting over setbacks is about being RESILIENT. And being resilient is about having the ABILITY to bounce back when things don’t go according to plan.
It’s also about not over-analysing failures, about avoiding nonsensical post-mortems on the situations, and about denying oneself the chance to stage a pity-party.
In my case it has always been a matter of “taking the bull by the horns and wrestling the 1000 pound steer to the ground.” Figuratively speaking.
Great! So that’s done – “what’s next?” I hear you say.
Just THREE things!
- Stop fretting about the uncontrollable
- Adapt to grow
- Fight challenge with conviction
When a major change is forced on us, it can lead to what feels like a ‘catatonic paralysis’ in which our sense of self fails to keep up with the new role or situation. This is how I have experienced it, and it has been acutely paralysing each time it has happened. And if that failed to unravel my nerves, navigating the ‘new’ felt like a tactical reconnaissance mission as I battled to find ways to let go of the past, embrace a new identity, and move forward on a path towards growth with a measure of sanity.
What I call the “bounce-back factor” is nothing more than learning to be adaptable and flexible. This means keeping an open mind and switching perspectives to see the BIG picture – because there is ALWAYS a BIGGER picture!
It means being receptive to the change, responding with a positive attitude and a willingness to learn new ways – because there may be different ways to achieve the end result.
It means tapping into our creativity bank to explore opportunities and build confidence to improvise and experiment – because stepping out of our comfort zones is often a catalyst for releasing latent skills which can aid personal growth.
It means modifying our behaviour to meet the new demands and needs – because when we can’t change the situation, we need to change our attitude.
Some people are naturally adaptable, they thrive on change and the unexpected. These are the kind of people I admire and I wanted to be like them. So I became one. I became adaptable and flexible through experience – because life forced me to. I have far too many stories that would make for a very long blog post so I’ll share the most relevant. How do I show my adaptability?
I left family and home at the age of 59 to settle in the UK in search of a better life, to live abroad which I had not done before, and start a new career which demanded I learn new skills, and commit to further studies so I could update knowledge and competency levels. Some thought I was crazy while others saw my decision as an act of bravery. I have often asked myself, “what was I thinking?” but in a way I guess it was a brave thing to do knowing and accepting that I would be alone in a foreign country without a home or support team, when I should have been thinking about staying home, looking to retire and knit scarves for my grandkids. But, I needed a sense of purpose, I needed financial stability and I needed to literally re-invent myself if I was to get back my personal power. I also wanted to be an effective altruist and find possible ways to make a difference.
The last four years have been a mammoth task of adapting mentally, emotionally and physically. Years that have taxed me to my limits, and demanded that I don’t give in or give up. Moments in time that have blown my mind when I realise that, despite all my efforts, I am still not where I want to be; that I need to understand physical injuries have forced me to adapt my lifestyle when it comes to health and fitness because I have to work within safe parameters to avoid relapsing; and painfully having to accept the loss of loved ones who have left a gaping wound because for me, death of a loved one is a death of possibility – future adventures, shared goals and dreams, all gone, leaving only memories. And while grief still lies heavily on my shoulders, I have needed to adapt and find strength, even in my sorrow.
Now I understand that whatever challenging times I have had in my life have been good training for the mental, emotional and physical upheaval and uncertainty I have faced thus far, and possibly will still do beyond. The experiences have taught me that I never really know what’s going to happen next so I no longer stress too much about the minutiae planning. I have found the capacity to cope with more of life’s wild rodeos and the ornery bulls that come charging in at the most in opportune and unexpected of times. I have had to find the will and strength to accept the difficulties as they present themselves, no matter how hard.
If I have learned one thing through adaptability it is that – how I cope has come to depend unequivocally, on what is in my RESILIENCE TOOLBOX! Tools that have through time helped me find the GOOD within the BAD. The same tools I have packed for each of my children. And the same tools I have shared with others in the past. Those tools are grit, optimism, a moral compass, spiritual belief, emotional flexibility, a connectedness with nature, and a die-hard spirit.
So, be prepared. Take time out to pack your toolbox. Fill it with the things that are important to you, things that stand for who you are and in what you believe, and while you’re packing that box, look for opportunities to find the positive within the negative, the good within the bad, and you will see that RESILIENCE is a tool that can be LEARNED!