Seeing into my own nature essentially meant knowing myself and trusting my instincts.
For this I had to enter into a different type of awareness, an awareness that was more poetic and delighted in all my senses. This awareness also needed to be more intuitive, respectful and observant. I learned three important things about myself: One, I learnt who I was, not who I thought I was. Two, I discovered things I was doing that limited and hindered my progress in life. Three, I discovered other ways to improve the way I lived my life and related to the world.
Having worked with children I noticed that this awareness came naturally to them.
I questioned if this was an infantile stage that I had out grown or whether I had up to now abandoned my natural instincts so that I could survive in a harsh ‘grown-up’ reality? Drawing on my experience of communing with horses for human development, awareness and personal growth, I focused on nature as an invaluable component. Horses were my link and establishing a deep connection with nature through them, became an effective and effortless path towards reclaiming lost spirit and passion.
What had I learned from seeing into my own nature?
I had developed a strong sense of self preservation and I had grown to love myself. I was able to define my good qualities and positive attributes and I recognised and accepted my weaknesses and limitations. In the personal evaluation of myself I had been brutally honest and most evident was the fact that I had ‘courage’ and I had ‘passion’.
It was an abundance of courage that helped me transcend my fears and enabled me to speak and take action even when it was difficult. Courage expanded my abilities and gave me hope and a sense of personal empowerment. Courage is an emotional state which has been created in my mind. As an infant I was born without it so it is an attribute which I have cultivated myself, and it was only after I accepted myself as being courageous that I had the confidence to be different.
I saw having courage as being scared but saddling up to ride my best life anyway. Dealing with my own evils I had to step out of my comfort zones. But with this sobering recognition, I retained my capacity for compassion, humility and forgiveness.
I saw also the expansive difference between ‘feelings’ and ‘emotions’.
Feelings are like clouds. They come and go and constantly change. They are nothing more than a heightened ‘sensation’ or clouded ‘perception’. Emotions are ‘visceral’ but fail to serve us ‘spiritually’. They connote movement and behavioural patterns.
Seeing into my own nature I recognised my authenticity, inner strength, integrity and grace, and this externalised abounding power. This power gave me a profound understanding of what it means to be a woman. It led me to look at my so-called faults and all the things that I didn’t like about myself and see them as assets. I learned to accept these qualities and moderate the amplitude of each fault so they would serve me. ‘Stubborn’ toned down became ‘determined’. ‘Impulsive’ became ‘spontaneous’.
In essence my weaknesses became my strengths, my faults became my virtues.
Passion on the other hand, is the inherent quality which defines the way in which I handle anything I set my heart on.