November 2024 marks six years of hardcore learning and the longest I’ve been away from all I dearly love, but it has not been a waste of time.
I’ve learned that I can survive away from home to live in a foreign country far from all I hold dear and familiar. That no matter where in the world I am, I am still the same Mom, sister, daughter, aunt, Nana and friend I’ve been because the ties that bind will always be there. That I can forgive myself for making a decision that has sometimes left me feeling so completely alone and lost, in exchange for the opportunity to continue to grow in multi-dimensions. That I can get on the right train and travel for endless hours through many stations around the country to get to work. That I can drive a strange car on roads the width of footpaths without dying.
I’ve learned that I can handle and care for unknown people, being kind and selfless, tolerant and resilient, and accept the complexities of human nature. And paste a smile on my face, no matter what fresh hell is brewing beneath the surface.
That despite my best intentions, I still make poor decisions, like foregoing a healthy meal and much needed essential rest. That I can shake off my personal shortfalls and keep chugging and remind myself I deserve my own loyalty and follow my personal compass to recognise people and situations who wish me well and let go those who don’t.
I have learned that no matter my prior planning, my heartfelt pep talks, I will still feel vulnerable at times but I’m learning to carry it with grace and a pinch of self-love.
That lonesome creates diseases that only friendship can cure. That I’m not old until my dreams become regrets.
I have learned that in the muddy business that is life, time becomes truly precious. And that as I age, still responsibilities pile up, just like unopened mail. That somewhere along the line, it becomes a habit to say ‘no’ to myself – and never to anyone else.
I have learned that it’s a vast expanse out there, that I’m not yet a seasoned veteran, but I’m no greenhorn either and I crave learning from the women who have gone forth and blazed trails before me. That it’s ok to honour what I feel and stand up for what I believe so I can live life on my own terms.
That independent grit is necessary to survive and adversity is just part of the deal. And how I measure up is how I face up to it on our own.
I have learned that at my age, it’s a good thing to go ahead and do something that scares me to death. Something so intimidating that I say I can’t, but then just do it, anyway.
I have learned that those of us who constantly struggle to fit in are actually meant to forge our own paths. It’s as it should be. Young or old, this is something that we who are somehow ‘different’ must learn to embrace. Because living – wholly, mindfully, joyfully – comes as we learn to live in grace as much as in fearlessness. That injury is not about giving up on my ambitions, just rethinking how to achieve them.
So yes – in the last six years I’ve learned much. More than ever I’ve learned that I am enough. That I am exactly who I was meant to be.
Part fearless warrior, part nurturing soul and intrepid explorer, I have learned that being COWGIRL – is indeed a very fine balance.
And whilst I still have a lot to master, I am more than ready.
For when I COWGIRL UP – I’ve learned “the difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that the former comes from a strong will, and the latter from a strong won’t.”
And it is never too late to keep learning.